This is what I found on Facebook

Joke of the day

Ilyas asked his Umi, 'Why was Cinderella so bad at football?'

Umi said, 'Because she wears a skirt?'

Ilyas answered, 'No, because her coach was a pumpkin!'

ha ha ha

Surreal

Anything is possible

Academic Salaries

'How long your Prof. thinks it should take to do something'

Mimpi Balik Machang

This video was forwarded to me by my cousin, A'a. Although it is really an amateur effort but it's quite funny especially when the characters speak in Kelate.

Minyak Oh Minyak Part 2

After many years of marriage, my wife complained that I never bring her out to an expensive place anymore. So tonight I have decided to take her to the petrol station.

Minyak Oh Minyak

When to meet with your advisor

I have tried all options except Saturday/Sunday (obviously since there is no 'pro'). And none is my favourite.

Fourth Monkey

'Why? Why??'

Again, in contrary to what the above cartoon depicts, I have managed to write 5 pages of Introduction part this morning. No kidding!

'A list, plan or outline of things to be done'

Although my meeting with supervisors today also lasted half an hour (shortest one so far), we managed to discuss many things and continue with what I've already planned beforehand. :)

How to Identify An Idiot?

*received this e-mail from a friend :)

How to Identify An Idiot?

(1) He spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said, "concentrate".

(2) He puts lipstick on the forehead because he wanted to makeup his mind.

(3) He gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

(4) He sends a fax with a stamp on it.

(5) He tries to drown a fish.

(6) If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get change.

(7) He trips over a cordless phone.

(8) He takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

(9) At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here", he puts "Sagittarius".

(10) He takes 2 hours to watch "60 minutes".

(11) He invents a solar powered flashlight.

(12) He heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, so he moves.

(13) He misses the No. 14 Bus, and takes the 7 twice instead.

(14) He takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport left", and he turned around and went home.

(15) He got locked in a furniture shop but sleeps on the floor.]

(16) He spends time reading thru the above 15 points and analyses if he is an idiot!!!

You're all the same

* received this joke in my-email today, thanks Bong

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Kelantanese

Young and Pretty

*received this in an e-mail yesterday

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted.

It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me

signed,

J.P. Morgan

Husband vs. Wife

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Relatives

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied , " in-laws"

Women's Revenge

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Creation

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Who Does What

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ..........."HEBREWS"

And lastly...

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

***Received it from a female species, but I guess you'd already figured that out, didn't you...

Obat Diet

* a forwarded Indonesian joke from Bong, thanks!

Seorang wanita yang sangat gemuk pergi ke dokter.

Wanita: "Dok, obat apa yang harus saya minum agar bisa kurus?"

Dokter: "Oh, anda tidak perlu minum obat, cukup geleng-geleng kepala saja!"

Wanita: "Kapan saya harus geleng-geleng kepala dok? Pagi, siang, sore, atau malam?"

Dokter: "Cukup ketika ada orang yang menawari makan saja!"

Miscommunication

* Thanks to Bong for this!