Wednesday, January 31, 2007

What Doctor's Say And What They Are Thinking

* "Welllllll, what have we here...?"
(He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.)

* "Let me check your medical history."
(I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)

* "Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week."
(I’m playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time or I need the bucks, so I’m charging you for another office visit.)

* "We have some good news and some bad news."
(The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.)

* "Let’s see how it develops."
(Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.)

* "Let me schedule you for some tests."
(I have a forty-percent interest in the lab.)

* "I’d like to have my associate look at you."
(He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.)

* "I’d like to prescribe a new drug."
(I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)

* "If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call."
(I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)

* "That’s quite a nasty looking wound."
(I think I’m going to throw up.)

* "This may smart a little."
(Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)

* "Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?"
(I’m stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)

* "This should fix you up."
(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)

* "Everything seems to be normal."
(Rats! I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.)

* "I’d like to run some more tests."
(I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.)

* "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
(You’re crazier’n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who’ll split fees with me.)

* "There is a lot of that going around."
(My God, that’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.)

* "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
(I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.)

Dinamik - Di Antara Gadis

Monday, January 29, 2007

Sam + Dol = SamDol

SAM: Kenapa kamu cakap minum susu segar boleh bawa maut?
DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku tengah minum, lembu tu tendang aku. Nasib baik tak mati.


SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey kedai 2 Ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3 barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata kedai 2 Ringgit


SAM: Kau kata binatang peliharaan kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku bela ikan emas. aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!


SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah…. hantu tu yang terkejut tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat semacam jer….


SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam apasal?
DOL: Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah habislah


SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada…
DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat negara ni ada AIDS. Aku dah tanya 9 orang, semua tak ada AIDS, kau orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku dah tahu…


SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macam ni aku kena banyak berlatih agar dapat batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.


SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang sama datang merompak kedai kita.
DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat kau, jangan pasang signboard “SILA DATANG LAGI”

Glen - Januari

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Jokes Part 13

A woman goes into a dentist's office, and after her examination, the dentist says, “I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.”

Horrified, the woman replies, “Oh, no! I'd rather have a baby.”

To which the dentist replies, “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair.”


A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Cara nak tutup malu

1. kalau tersepak batu: Jangan terus bangun, sebaliknya anda baring dan terus berguling-guling hingga jauh dari perhatian ramai…lepas tu baru bangun bila takde orang nampak..

2. kalau terjatuh basikal: cepat2 naik basikal anda semula dan jatuh la lagi sehingga berkali-kali supaya orang ingat anda saje2 buat lawak…

3. kalau terjatuh tangga: trus bersilat seolah-olah anda dirasuk atau sedang berlawan dgn makhluk halus…

4. kalau terjatuh dlm longkang: pungutlah sampah yg ada sambil marah2 dgn suara yg kuat, pasti org menyangka anda seorang yg amat prihatin terhadap kebersihan…

5. kalau jatuh ketika nak naik bas: jeritlah kuat2..”oi! apa tolak2 ni?” walaupun tiada orang di belakang anda….kehkehkeh…


Friday, January 26, 2007

A Night of Wonders

A Night of Wonders

In this Irish folktale, a woman with no material wealth finds a blessing when a supernatural creature takes her for a ride.

Retold by Lorraine Hartin-Gelardi

Mary McPhee lived in a tiny stone house in a remote part of the country with nothing but her cat and her memories to keep her company. Her parents had died many years before, and she remained in that little cabin, following a routine that had not changed since she was a girl. Lonesomeness was a familiar part of her life, and she put it in its proper place with the thought, "There's plenty who are worse off than the likes of me." She blessed the sun when it shone and praised the rain for making the grass grow. In her heart, Mary kept alive a flicker of hope that something wonderful was waiting for her just around the corner. It might take awhile to find, but she was convinced that it was there; it was just a matter of looking in the right place.

Mary seldom had two coins to rub together. She ran errands and did extra chores for nearby farmwives, occasionally receiving a penny or two for her labors. More often than not, she simply earned a plate of cabbage and boiled potatoes or a slice of buttered bread and a cup of tea. She made do and was grateful for the food and whatever else might come her way.

One day, a young boy appeared at Mary's door with a plea for help. His youngest brother and sister were sick with the croup and his mother needed help with the washing and cooking of the meals. "Will you come, Mary McPhee?" he asked in a solemn voice.

"Of course I will," she answered, reaching up to grab her shawl from the peg by the door.

It had been a long, troubled walk for the child and as they returned to his home, he revealed his worries to Mary. "Mary, are you not afraid walking this lonely stretch of road at night by yourself?"

"Afraid? No, I've walked this road all my life. What is there to be frightened of?" Mary replied.

"Why, Mary McPhee, surely you've heard of the pooka. He travels these roads at night, playing tricks on folks and causing all sorts of devilment."

"Oh, that old black horse—he's nothing to be afraid of. His tricks are harmless. All he does is turn himself into a pile of straw that can't be lifted or spoil the berries or bewitch a cow and get it to kick over a milk pail. Why would I be afraid of nonsense like that?"

"Mary McPhee, have you not heard the other stories? How he knocks people into ditches, scares them with his fiery blue eyes, bruises them with his great big hooves, and takes them away on wild night rides!"

"Ah, he only abuses them that's afraid of him. I'm not a bit afraid. In fact, I'd welcome a ride through the countryside. It would be a grand adventure the likes of which I've never had!"

"Oh, Mary, don't say such things. You never know who is listening," cautioned the boy. When Mary heard the child's innocent reproach, she gave a hoot and the sound of her laughter tinkled across the fields and up into the air.

Mary spent the remainder of the day working. She washed the clothes, hung them on the line, and, as they dried, she started the stew simmering and baked the bread. After she served the other children their supper, Mary cleaned up the dishes and brought in the clothes as the sun sidled its way out of the reddened sky. The woman finally tucked her children into bed for the night, then sat down with Mary to enjoy a welcome bowl of mutton stew. As the two women ate their meal, Mary felt weariness creep into her worn body. She sipped the last of her tea, wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, and bade the woman good-night. "Will you be all right, Mary?" asked the woman. "It's late and it's a long walk back to your place."

"Don't worry about me," said Mary. "There's a full moon out to light my path. I'll be just fine." Mary moseyed along, feeling the weight of her tired feet and enjoying the peacefulness of the evening. The moon cast a silvery sheen over the landscape and caused lacy shadows to fall across the fields. "Just lovely," muttered Mary to herself, and then she stumbled over something in the road. Looking down, Mary saw an old, black pot. "Well now, that's an odd thing to find abandoned in the middle of the road," she remarked. "But you never know, it might come in handy. I'll just take it along with me and see what comes of it."

She bent down to lift the pot by its handle and saw that it was filled with gold coins. "Goodness gracious," she exclaimed, standing bolt upright in shock. She circled the pot several times, observing it from all angles to make sure that it was real and when it didn't disappear, she thought to herself, "It would be foolish to leave it here. Why, it's just sitting here, waiting for me to take it home. "However, the pot was too heavy to carry, so Mary tied her shawl around it and began to drag it down the road.

As Mary lugged the pot behind her, she imagined the things she could do with her newfound riches, her ruminations moving from the practical to the fantastic, until she chuckled to herself and muttered, "Mary McPhee, you're putting on airs. What would the likes of you be doing in a castle with servants?"

After a while, Mary had to stop and catch her breath because hauling the pot was hard work. Turning around, she gave a cry of surprise for she discovered that her pot of gold had turned into a huge lump of shining silver. "Well, will you look at that!" she exclaimed. "It is indeed a strange night. A lump of silver may not be a pot of gold, but it's more convenient and easier to keep safe." She adjusted the shawl, took a deep breath, and continued down the road, pulling the treasure behind her.

The lump of silver weighed almost as much as the pot of gold, and soon Mary had to stop again to rest. She turned around and this time saw that the lump of silver had become a great lump of iron. "The moonlight must be playing tricks on my poor, tired eyes. Nevertheless, a lump of iron is more than I had when I woke up this morning." With a smile on her face, she took hold of the shawl and made her way back to her cottage.

When Mary got home, she reached down to pick up the lump of iron and, in the moonlight, saw that it had become an ordinary stone. With a laugh, she declared, "Luck has been with me this whole night. The lump of iron is nothing more than a stone, but isn't that exactly what I need to prop open my front door."

Mary untied the shawl, lifted it off the stone, and wrapped it around her shoulders. The stone began to shiver and shake and Mary watched in amazement as it bounced and jumped about, sprouting four legs, a long neck, and a tail, until it became a fine black horse with eyes the color of blue flames. It switched its silken tail, shook its powerful head, and pawed the ground with its mighty front hoof. "That pot of gold befuddled my brains," said Mary, shaking her head. "I should have known that such peculiar antics were the workings of none other than the pooka himself!"

The pooka bent its head until its fiery eyes were level with Mary's face. In a gravelly human voice it asked, "Would you like to go for a ride, Mary McPhee?"

Without hesitation, Mary replied, "Indeed, I would." The horse bent its neck and Mary hitched up her skirt, grabbed hold of the horse's long mane, and pulled herself onto its back. The pooka gave a mighty leap and sprang into the air. They raced along, the pooka's hooves barely touching the earth as they bounded across the fields and flew over the hills. The pins that held Mary's hair bound came loose and her long tresses streamed out behind her. "Look at me," she hollered out with glee. "I'm flying!"

The pooka came to an abrupt halt at a spot where two roads crossed and stomped the ground with its hoof. All of a sudden, a thin gray cloud of mist began to float over the surrounding fields. It glimmered in the moonlight, swirling higher and closer, thickening as it twirled, until it was so dense that Mary could not see her own hand in front of her face. Then slowly, the silvery haze faded away and revealed a fine, big house with a delicate blue light spilling out of its open door. "Go on in, Mary McPhee," said the horse, bowing its head to the ground. Mary slipped off the pooka's back and made a quick attempt to straighten her disheveled hair and clothes. Warily, she stepped into the patch of light, placed her hand on the doorframe, and peered inside.

Mary's eyes widened in astonishment as she gazed at the spectacle arrayed before her. Hundreds of blue-white flames hovered in the air, casting a pearly sheen over the most beautiful people Mary had ever seen. Their dazzling blue eyes twinkled as they chattered and laughed, the sound of their voices rippling through the room like a spring rain. Every one of them had white hair and alabaster skin, but none wore the signs of age. Music drifted up from the earth below, a delicate, haunting melody that silenced the conversation. As Mary stood in the doorway, the people began to dance, moving around the room with the fragile agility of moths fluttering through the night.

A man wearing a waistcoat of dove-gray feathers walked toward Mary and extended an elegant hand. "Would you care to dance, Mary McPhee?" he asked. Mary nodded her head and placed her workworn fingers in his translucent palm. She seemed to float across the floor as he led her to the center of the room. All traces of fatigue departed from Mary's body as she danced like a feather on the wind, allowing the music to seep into her bones and carry her around the room. Mary danced all night long. Outside, morning approached through the open door and in the face of its soft light, the blue-white flames weakened. The alabaster people slowly dissolved, the edges of their bodies blurring until they completely vanished from sight. The music wafted away and Mary found herself standing in the middle of an empty field as dawn brightened the horizon.

The pooka stood next to her and in a hoarse whisper gently announced, "I think it's time to go home, Mary McPhee." With a few powerful strides, the pooka carried Mary back to her humble cottage and deposited her next to her front door.

"Good-night, Mary McPhee," said the pooka.

"Thank you," answered Mary. "It has been a grand evening."

"Indeed, it has," declared the pooka. "Now you've got a story to tell, Mary McPhee, and you can remind your neighbors that the pooka is more than tricks and treachery." The pooka kicked up his heels, gave a loud whinny, and galloped down the road. Mary watched until the great black horse was just a speck in the distance, then she went inside.

Mary put on the kettle and brewed herself a cup of strong tea. She sat in her chair, sipping her tea and related the night's adventures to her ginger-colored cat curled up on her lap. "Oh, puss," she said, "it was a night of wonders. I will remember it all my born days. I would never trade it for anything, not for a lump of iron, or a hunk of shining silver, not even for a pot full of golden coins."

An old Scottish proverb says, "Were it not for hope, the heart would break." An attitude of hopefulness can allow us to respond openly to the possibilities that life offers. Hope entails clear vision; we are conscious of the problems in the world and see the obstacles in our daily lives. We do not blithely suppose that all will be well. In times of hardship, we look backward at our collective history, examine our spirituality, listen to the stories of our ancestors, and see that we can triumph over difficulty. The memory of the past offers a promise for the future and we are able to declare our confidence in the goodness of this world.

This recognition of the underlying goodness of things helps us view others sympathetically and enables us to be open to the world around us. Hope encourages us to see things differently and imagine creative solutions to our problems We are willing to set aside our fears, take risks, and work to bring about changes in our environment.

*received it from an email, originally from

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Cerita Kelakar Bahagian 8

Seorang atuk tegur cucu dia yang tak cemerlang dalam peperiksaan

Atuk: Tengok kawan-kawan sebaya cu, semua lulus tinggi-tinggi. Cu ini asyik internet, tv atau main bola. Bila nak belajar? Besar nak jadi apa? (Atok marah tahap tertinggi)

Cucu: Atok asyik bandingkan dengan kengkawan yang lain. Cu tak pernah pun marah bila atok tak sama seperti kawan-kawan sebaya atok yang lain.

Atuk: Tak sama apanyerr?

Cucu: Kawan-kawan sebaya atok semua dah jadi arwah kan?


Satu hari ketika baru saja tiba dari subang, aku singgah sekejap di KLCC. Aku ada benda untuk dibeli. Ketika aku sedang melihat barang di kedai, tiba-tiba perut aku terasa memulas. Apa lagi aku pun terus bergegas ke tandas. Masuk saja kat situ, aku tengok ada 3 bilik air. Satu tu bertutup, jadi aku pergi yang di sebelahnya. Baru saja aku duduk, aku terdengar suara dari sebelah… “Haa, camna sekarang ?”

Aku pun bukan suka nak berbual dengan orang yang aku tak kenal kat tandas tu. Ntah camna, akhirnya aku balas juga “Ok gak ler”

Kemudian suara tu bertanya lagi “Ko nak gi mana ni??”

Iskk..Aku mula rasa musykil sikit..tapi aku kata “Aku nak balik, singgah sini nak beli barang sikit”

Lepas tu suara tu bertanya lagi “Bila ko nak gerak ni??”

Aku selamba jer kata “Lepas aku sudah ni, abis beli aku chow la”.

Kemudian aku terdengar lagi suara orang sebelah tu berkata “Hei, aku call balik ko lepas nilah, tiap kali aku tanya soalan kat ko, mamat bodoh sebelah aku ni asyik jawap jer !

Moral cerita nyer : Jangan bercakap-cakap dalam toilet…. tu kan adab

KRU - Babe

Amy Mastura - Puteri

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Bad Zookeeper

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up.

Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

Febians - UntukMu Sayang

Jay Jay - Cukuplah Sekali

Thursday, January 18, 2007

11 tips agar tidak bosan dalam lif

1. Ketika anda hanya berdua dengan orang tak dikenali, cuit bahunya! Kemudian anda pura-pura melihat ke tempat lain..

2. Buat muka menyeringai kesakitan sambil pegang kepala anda dan menjerit “Diam, semuanya diam!”.

3. Bawalah kamera dan ambillah gambar semua orang yang ada di dalam lif.

4. Pindahkan meja kerja anda ke dalam lif. Jika ada yang masuk, tanyakan apakah mereka sudah membuat temujanji?…………..

5. Letakkan sebuah bungkusan di sudut lif, jika ada yang masuk, tanyakan apakah mereka mendengar bunyi tik…tik…tik…

6. Anda pura-pura jadi pramugari! Tunjukkan prosedur keselamatan penerbangan seperti di dalam kapalterbang.

7. Ketika pintu menutup, beri pengumuman kepada semua orang. “Bertenang, jangan panik, nanti pasti terbuka lagi!”.

8. Bukalah beg tangan anda, sambil melihat ke dalam beg tangan, tanyalah “Udaranya cukup tidak disitu?”

9. Diam dan jangan bergerak sama sekali di sudut lif, menghadap dinding, jangan sesekali keluar.

10. Dengarkan suara di dinding lift dengan stetoskop.

11. Buatlah garis di lantai sekeliling anda menggunakan kapur, lalu beritahu “Ini adalah wilayah SAYA”

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Jokes Part 12

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"


A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamp post.

After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"

"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.

"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie."Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."

Medicine - Tika Dan Saat Ini

U-topia - Mithali Cintaku

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Mat Rof - Ngobok Jambo

Budi Bahasa

Seorang wanita tua menaiki sebuah bas untuk pulang ke rumahnya..Kerana bas itu sudah penuh.. wanita tua itu terpaksa berdiri..tiba-tiba ada seorang pemuda bangun dan berkata…

“Silakan duduk makcik…” “Oh, tidak perlu.. adik duduk la!” Kata wanita tua itu sambil tangannya menekan bahu pemuda tadi supaya duduk semula.. Pemuda itu duduk semula…

Tapi beberapa minit kemudian..pemudu itu berdiri dan berkata lagi… “Makcik duduk la…” kata pemuda dengan sopan… “Tak payah susah-susah… Terima kasih saje. adik duduk sajalah!” Kata Wanita tua itu sambil menolak bahu pemuda supaya kembali duduk…..

Selang beberapa minit kemudian.. pemuda itu berdiri dan berkata lagi… “Tak pe la.. makcik duduk la…” kata pemuda masih bersopan santun.. Namun wanita tua itu tetap mengalah dan berkata..“Adik tak payah risaukan makcik.. Adik duduk ajalah. lagipun makcik dah nak turun sekejap lagi..!” jawab wanita tua itu sambil menekan bahu pemuda itu supaya kembali duduk..

Sambil melutut pemuda itu memandang wanita tua dan berkata…“Tolong la Makcik.. saya ni mahu turun dari tadi tapi tak boleh!? Sekarang rumah saya dah terlepas jauh!”

Monday, January 15, 2007

Dear God

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?



The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Kisah Seorang Pemuda

Pada suatu hari, ada seorang pemuda sedang mengecat bangunan tinggi. Pada ketika itu dia sedang mengecat bahagian luar bangunan ditingkat 18. Biasanya dia berdiri atas dua keping papan jer...

"Tiba-tiba ada sorang kawan menjerit dari dalam bangunan "Sin, anak ko cedera parah kena langgar kereta".

Pemuda yang tengah mengecat ni terkejut beruk mendengar anaknya kena langgar kereta. Sebagai bapa yang sangat menyayangi anak, dia jadi panik. Apa lagi dia pun terus melompat turun dari papan tu. Malangnya dia melompat bukan ke dalam bangunan tapi ke arah luar bangunan...

Apa lagi, terus jatuh ke bawah ler... Jatuh dari tingkat 18! ...mau tak berkecai tubuh badannya! Pemuda tu terkejut besar kerana tersalah lompat, tapi dah tak boleh buat apa-apa pun! Dia cuma ada sikit masa lagi untuk bertaubat... "Ya Allah ampunkan aku!! Kerana apabila badannya sampai ke bawah, pasti akan hancur berkecai...

Terlalu sedih dia ketika itu... Dahlah tak dapat jumpa anak tersayang... dia sendiri pun akan mati. Pasti bertambah sedih bininya nanti. Tiba-tiba waktu badannya tengah laju menjunam ke bawah, baru dia teringat yang dia belum ada anak lagi... Bila dah sampai tingkat 10, teringat lagi satu perkara, yang dia belum kawin lagi... Dan apa bila dah nak sampai ke tanah, baru dia teringat yang nama dia pun bukannya Sin atau Husin, tapi Halim.

Maka matilah si Halim hanya kerana terkejut pasal anak orang lain kena langgar...

Def-Gab-C - Merah

Dewa - Satu

XPDC - Semangat Yang Hilang

Bloodshed - Srikandi Cintaku

Friday, January 12, 2007

10 Thoughts for 2007

#10 Life is sexually transmitted.

#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die

#8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

#6 Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing

#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is so weird people take Prozac to make it normal.


We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of them, but we haven't a clue as to where thousandsof Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

*received it in my email Inbox*

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Usia Pernikahan Mempengaruhi Kemesraan

Sebelum Tido:

6 minggu: selamat bobok sayang, mimpi indah ya, mmmuach.
6 bulan: tolong matikan lampu tu, silau ah.
6 tahun : Sana sikit lah... tido kalau tak mengepit tak bole eh???!

Pakai Toilet:

6 minggu: tak apa, u dulu aje lah, i tak buru2 .
6 bulan: masih lama tak nih?
6 tahun: brug! brug! brug! (suara pintu digegar), kalau nak bertapa pilah gunung ledang sana!!

Balas SMS:

6 minggu: iye sayang, jap lagi i sampai rumah, i beli murtabak kesukaanmu..
6 bulan: trafik jam ah
6 tahun: k..

Dating process:

6 minggu: I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 bulan: Of course I love U.
6 tahun : Iyalah!! kalau i tak cintakan u, buat apa i nikah ngan u??

Pulang Keje:

6 minggu: Honey, i dah balik nih...
6 bulan : I'm BACK!!
6 tahun: Masak apa hari ini??

Hadiah (ulang tahun):

6 minggu : Sayang, i harap u menyukai cincin yang i beli
6 bulan : I beli lukisan, nampak sesuai dengan suasana ruang tengah
6 tahun : Nih duit, u beli sendiri lah apa yg u nak..


6 minggu: Baby, ada yang ingin berbual ngan u di telefon nih
6 bulan : Eh...your call...


6 minggu: Wah, tak sangka i, rasa makanan ini begitu lazaattt...!!!
6 bulan: Kita makan apa malam ini??
6 tahun: HAH? LAUK INI LAGI?


6 minggu: Sudahlah, tak apa, dah pecah pun, nanti kita beli lagi eh
6 bulan: Hati-hati! Nanti jatuh tuh.
6 tahun: Orang dah bilang berkali2 pon tak paham!!

Baju baru:

6 minggu: Aduh sayang, u seperti bidadari dengan pakaian itu
6 bulan: Lah.. beli baju baru lagi?

Merancangkan Holiday:

6 minggu: Macam mana kalau kita jalan-jalan ke Amerika atau ke tempat yg u nak honey?
6 bulan: Kita ke Bukit Bintang aje ler ....senang sikit tak perlu naik flight...


6 minggu: Baby, apa yg kita nak tonton malam ini ?
6 bulan : Sekejap eh, citer bagus ah.

Mat Glamour dan Jali Bunga Tanjung - Budu

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Upgrading Part 2


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?




Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.HTML" and try to Download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support.

Dewa - Pupus

Cokelat - Segitiga

Monday, January 08, 2007

Management Course

Subject: 2 minute Management Course

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied he bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson - Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there long.

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson -
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends your two minute management course

Kris - Tiara

Damasutra - Umpama Mimpi Dalam Mimpi

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Cerita Kelakar Bahagian 7

Pada satu malam, ada pasangan yg agak berumur sedang makan malam dengan romantiknya bagi menyambut ulangtahun perkahwinan mereka yg ke 50 tahun. Suaminya, seorang Tan Sri dan bekas ahli politik mula bercerita tentang nostalgia mereka suami isteri, sekian lama hidup bersama, suka duka, susah dan senang. Si suami memang menyanjung isterinya, bernama Maria.

"Maria, selama kita kahwin ni, suka duka kita lalui, susah senang kita tempuh, abang amat menyanyang Maria, tapi ada satu perkara yg asyik bermain-main di benak abang ni dan abang selalu bertanya-tanya. Berterus-teranglah dgn abang pada malam ni, pernah tak Maria curang dgn abang selama ni?

Maria agak terkedu sekejap dan merenung panjang muka suaminya itu, lalu berkata dengan penuh kekesalan, "Ya abang, Maria mengaku pernah curang dgn abang, tapi hanya 3 kali sahaja selama ni" "3 kali?"

Tan Sri tu agak terkejut, tapi tak la marah, dah tua dah dan memang berniat utk memaafkan isterinya, "Bagaimana boleh terjadi 3 kali tu Maria?

Perlahan jer la isteri dia mula membuka lebaran cerita lama, "Abang ingatkan masa kita mula-mula kawin, terus beli rumah dan selang beberapa tahun, kita susah sangat masa tu hingga rumah kita hampir nak dirampas oleh bank"

"Ya, abang ingat peristiwa tu" jawab si suami.

Si isteri menyambung cerita, "Abang pasti ingat yg pada satu petang tu Maria pergi jumpa pegawai bank tu dan esoknya, bank tu tak jadi rampas rumah kita, malah bagi tambahan pinjaman utk abang mulakan perniagaan.."

"Emmmm.. sukar buat abang menerima kenyataan ini, tapi abang maafkan Maria kerana apa yg maria buat tu untuk masa depan kita jugak", kata si suami" Kali ke 2 pulak?"

"Abang ingat tak, abang hampir menemui maut sebab ketumbuhan dalam otak pembedahan?" si isteri menyambung cerita

"Ya, abang ingat" jawab si suami .

"Kalau macam tu, abang pasti ingat yg Maria ada pergi jumpa doctor pakar tu dan esoknya, dia setuju buat pembedahan utk abang tanpa bayaran apa-apa pun.."

"Oh Maria, walau perit hati ini mendengarkan, tapi abang tetap maafkan Maria sebab apa yg maria buat tu untuk masa depan kita jugak dan kerana sayangkan abang jugak.. yang kali ke 3 macam mana pulak? ", kata si Tan Sri.

Si isteri menundukkan mukanya dan menjawab penuh lemah, "Abang, ingat tak masa abang bertanding merebut kerusi bahagian dan abang perlukan 248 undi lagi..."

Tan Sri pengsan kat situ jugak....

Badang Kelantan

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Jokes Part 11

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking helped. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!' 'I know,' said Herman, 'But, It's not just one car, it's hundreds of them.


A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."


Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you; The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; The next day I stopped eating red meat. Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; The next day I stopped drinking. Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; This morning I stopped reading.

Mega - Sekuntum Bunga Sakura Di Gurun Sahara

May - Sendiri

Friday, January 05, 2007

Bapa Siapa Paling Handal?

Di padang sebuah sekolah, nun jauh di sudut kanan, ternampaklah tiga budak sedang bersembang. Mari kita amati dan teliti apa yang mereka sembangkan...

Budak A "Bapak aku jadi ahli sukan, bapak hangpa kerja apa "

Budak B dan Budak C menjawab "Bapak kami pun ahli sukan jugak".

Maka semua bapak mereka adalah ahli sukan....

Budak A meneruskan cerita.." Bapak aku jadi perejam lembing, punyalah cepat dia berlari sehinggakan setelah lembing direjam, bapak aku berlari dan menangkap lembing tersebut sebelum lembing itu jatuh ketanah "

" Itu tak heran " kata Budak B " Bapak aku lagi tangkas, bapak aku masuk sukan menembak. Punyalah cepat dia berlari sehinggakan selepas peluru keluar daripada pistol, bapak aku sempat berlari dan menangkap peluru tersebut"

"Mari kita dengar cerita bapak aku pulak, aku rasa bapak aku yang paling cepat dalam bab lari ini" kata Budak C. " Bapak aku kerja di Alor Setar tapi tinggal di Sungai Petani. Bila pejabat tutup pukul 4.15 petang, pukul 3.50 petang bapak aku dah ada di rumah. Bayangkan betapa cepatnya pak aku berlari. "

Peterpan - Mungkin Nanti

Thursday, January 04, 2007


Dear Tech Support:

Last year, I upgraded Girlfriend-1 to Wife-1. I soon noticed that the new program began an unexpected child processing, which took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife-1 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, here it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight and Beerbash no longer run; the system crashes whenever those programs are opened. I cannot seem to purge Wife-1 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend-1, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?




Dear Confused:

This is a very common problem that many men complain about, but the confusion is mostly due to a foundational misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend-1 to Wife-1 with the idea that Wife-1 is merely a utilities & entertainment program.

Actually, Wife-1 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend-1 because Wife-1 is not designed to do this. Some men have tried to install Girlfriend-2 or Wife-2, but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under "Warning: Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife-1 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife-1 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action is to push the apologize button, then the reset button, as soon as lockup occurs. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife-1 is a great program but is very high maintenance.


Tech Support

Gersang - Masih Aku Terasa

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Peminat Setia Mawi

Satu hari seorang pengawal membuat rondaan di setiap bilik orang sakit mental, dalam rondaannya dia terdengar nyanyian yang merdu walupun tak bunyi macam suara Mawi tapi suaranya memang hebat dengan suaranya yang tersendiri mengalunkan lagu Intifada.

Kata pengawal itu dalam hatinya,"tak sangka ada juga orang yang sakit mental ni boleh menyanyi dengan hebat. Ingatkan radio atau kaset yang dipasang oleh pengawal yang lain." sambil melihat dari luar pesakit tu menyanyi sambil terlentang di atas katilnya. Pengawal terus melalui bilik itu dan berjalan terus untuk meronda ke bilik2 pesakit yang lain.

Setelah selesai pengawal berpatah balik. Apabila sampai ke bilik pesakit mental yang menyanyi tadi ia masih menyanyi tetapi kali ini lagu Aduh Saliha pulak. Dia menyanyikannya memang hebat, bagus sekali tone suaranya , cuma dia sakit mental aje kalau tak boleh buat album....tapi kali ini dia menyanyikan lagu Aduh Saliha tu dalam keadaan meniarap, lagu Intifada yang mula2 tadi terlentang?

Pengawal tu hairan dan bertanya pada pesakit mental tu... "kenapa kamu menyanyi meniarap? tadi terlentang?"

Jawab pesakit mental tu..... "Tadi SIDE A...ini SIDE B lah pulak...."

Pengawal tu pun beredar dari situ dan berkata dalam hatinya.."betul jugak" heeeeheeee....

Bumiputera Rockers - Aku Hanya Serangga...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Jokes Part 10

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself.

Then he understood why...The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :-

" Psycho-the-rapist"


After enlisting in the Air Force, one young man eagerly asked the Recruiter what he could expect from Paratrooper school.

"Well," he said, "its three weeks long."

"What else," the man asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," the recruiter said.

"The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" the man asked.

"The third week, the fools jump." said the Recruiter.

Ella Kelate

Monday, January 01, 2007

Lawak Loghat

Abu nih org Trengganu, manakala Amer ni org Kedah. Tinggal satu bilik..katil double decker.. Amer kat atas.. Abu kat bawah. Amer ni suker baca majalah dan komik.. si Abu lak suka pinjam.. belinya tidak. So, Amer ader sedikit bengang ler kat Abu ni. Kekadang.. majalah yg baru beli dan tak sempat nak baca lagi pun Abu dah kebas baca dulu.. bila kasi balik dah lasam dah.. tension Amer.

One day, Amer balik dari outing dan beli majalah UJANG. Siap cover tak kasi Abu ni nampak. Lepas basuh baju, kemas sedikit sebanyak dan siapkan homework.. dia pun nak rilek ler kat atas katil. Majalah UJANG bawah tilam pun dia bawa keluar. Elok jer dia baring.. baru buka mukasurat pertama..

Abu kat bawah dia bersuara.. " Amer.. nok ujang.."

"Nanti la jap.. aku baru jer nak baca.." jawab lembut jer Amer.

"Ameer.. nok ujang tu" Abu tak putus asa.

" Nanti la dulu.. bagi la aku baca dulu.. nanti abih aku bagi kat hang laa!" panas sikit Amer.

"Amer ! Nok ujang !! " Suara Abu sedikit keras.

"Hang ni dah melampau.. kalau nak beli sendiri la.. apa.. hang ingat aku beli UJANG ni dengan duit bapak hang ka??" Amer dah naik angin.. siap turun dari katil dia dah.

"Laaa.. aku kata tu.. haghi nok ujang tu.. mung basuh kaing.. kekgi basoh.." kecut jer Abu jawab..

Drummmmmm.. hujan pun turun dgn lebat.. Baju Amer kat ampaian pun basah kembali.


Satu keluarga yang berasal dari Terengganu nak balik beraya di kampung, tapi cuma ada sebuah Kancil je untuk tujuh orang ahli keluarga tersebut. Maka si ibu kepada keluaga tersebut pun berkata,

Ibu: Guane nih..penuh kete. Dok muak ayoh mu wey!

Ayah: Betul jugok. Guane nok buak nih? Lamo dok sapa kampong.

Ibu: Tujuh oghang dokleh sumbak masuk kete kancil nih. kecik do'oh.

Mereka pun memerah otak memikirkan macam mana nak menyelesaikan masalah tersebut. Ruang terlalu sempit untuk tujuh orang, tiba-tiba anak mereka yang paling kecil berkata...

Anak: Abah, umi... Awang tau doh guane nok buak. Kite skarang ade tujuh oghang. Tamboh la soghang lagi. baru jadik 'LAPANG'...!!!


Seorang pak cik tua yang baru saja lulus lesen menunggang motosikal. Jadi, mengikut undang-undang, stiker berhuruf "P" hendaklah digantung pada motosikal sekiranya seseorang baru dapat lesen motor. Pak cik tu tunggang motosikal. Adala police road block ...

Polis : "P" mana pakcik?

Pak Cik : P Aloq Staq (loghat Kedah).

Polis : Pak cik nak bergurau pulak. "P" mana pak cik?

Pak Cik : Aku nak p Aloq Staq. (Dah mula naik anging).

Polis : Amboi, main-main pulak pakcik (tersengih). Pak Cik, "P" mana?

Pak Cik : Aku habaq Aloq Staq hangpa tak percaya. Apa hang ingat aku tak tau ka jalan ni nak pi aloq staq. Hangpa jadi polis pun hangpa jangan nak perleceh aku tau (marah).

Polis : Pi pi pi pi lah ... nyusah aje

Pak Cik : kan mudah camtu ...

Dialog Ayah dan Anak

Ayah dan anak yang sporting!