A few definitions for the modern era!

School:

A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance:

A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:

A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce:

Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room :

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician :

One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor :

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic:

Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee :

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!

*forwarded e-mail from Aisya