Jokes translated to Malay version Part 5

Ada seorang pesakit jiwa yang telah menerima rawatan bertahun-tahun dan mula menunjukan perubahan yang menggalakkan. Doktor pun yakin dia boleh dibenarkan pulang dan tak perlu tinggal di rumah sakit jiwa lagi. Tetapi seperti biasa pesakit perlu menjalani ujian terakhir. Di dalam bilik temuduga.
Doktor " Adakah anda berasa sihat?"
Pesakit " Ya doktor. Terima kasih kerana bertanya"
Doktor " Saya ada lampu suluh di tangan saya, kalau saya suluh cahaya ke atas siling, boleh tak awak panjat sampai ke atas dengan memegang cahaya yang tegak?"
Pesakit "Tak boleh doktor"
Doktor "Bagus awak lulus, memang awak dah sihat.........tapi kenapa tak boleh?"
Pesakit, dengan nada marah "Doktor ni Gila ke?!! Kalau saya panjat kemudian separuh jalan doktor padam lampu, jatuh lah saya!"

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Salman (bukan nama betul) pulang dari kerja satu petang dan terdengar suara isterinya dalam bilik mengerang. Dia berlari naik ke bilik dan melihat isterinya terlantar di katil berpeluh tanpa pakaian. "Kenapa ni sayang?" tanya Salman. "I diserang sakit jantung", jawab isterinya. Salman berlari ke bawah untuk menalipon doktor tapi belum sempat dia talipon, anaknya yang berumur 5 tahun berlari datang dan berkata, "Papa, acik Lan ada bawah katil ayah tak pakai suar." Salman mula naik angin dan naik semula ke biliknya. Memang betul Roslan(pun bukan nama betul) jiran mereka ada di bawah katil tanpa pakaian.Salman menarik Roslan keluar dan berkata, "Lahanat kau Lan, isteri aku kena sakit jantung. Kau pula cuba menakutkan anak aku ye?"

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Seorang lelaki menalipon hospital untuk memberitahu yang isterinya nak bersalin. Dan jururawat hospital menjawab talipon lelaki tersebut. Lelaki: "Hello... tolong saya sebab isteri saya nak bersalin!" Jururawat: "Sila bertenang... ini anaknya yang pertama ke?" Lelaki: "Apa la punya bangang... ni laki dia la!" Jururawat: "Erkkk..."

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Seorang wanita muda telah ter'bersalin' di dalam sebuah lif. Dier pun malu macam nak giler dan tak mahu kuar dari lif itu. Pihak pengurusan bangunan pun memanggil polis, bomba dan psychologist untuk pujuk dier keluar. Psychologist tu pun cakap ler, "Cik... keluar lah... aper nak dimalukan... perkara biase jer nih." Wanita muda yang terbersalin itu pun menjawab, "Tak mau, tak mau, saya malu." Psychologist itu menambah, "Alah cik...tahun lepas saya ader 1 kes lagi teruk... pompuan tu beranak dalam longkang!!" Mendengarkan kata-kata Psychologist tu jer, wanita muda tu terus meraung bagai nak giler lalu berkata, "Yang tu pun saya gak, uhwaaa..!!!"

Jokes Part 6

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

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Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing program on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put one hand on the TV and the other on the body part they wanted healed. Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on the TV and the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him with disgust. " You just don't understand, Fred. The purpose of this program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

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A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effort to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in,"p e n i s". His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
**PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH **

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