Jokes Part 6

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

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Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing program on TV. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put one hand on the TV and the other on the body part they wanted healed. Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on the TV and the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him with disgust. " You just don't understand, Fred. The purpose of this program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

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A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effort to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in,"p e n i s". His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
**PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH **

Selamat Hari Raya AidilFitri

Komik Ramadhan (7)

Komik Ramadhan (6)

Komik Ramadhan (5)

Komik Ramadhan (4)

Komik Ramadhan (3)

Komik Ramadhan (2)

Komik Ramadhan (1)

Fadhilat Ramadhan Bahagian 2

Abu Hurairah ra. meriwayatkan bahawa Rasulullah SAW bersabda: "Umatku telah dikurniakan dengan lima perkara yang istimewa yang belum pernah diberikan kepada sesiapa pun sebelum mereka. Bau mulut daripada seorang Islam yang berpuasa adalah terlebih harum di sisi Allah daripada bau haruman kasturi. Ikan-ikan di lautan memohon istighfar (keampunan) ke atas mereka sehinggalah mereka berbuka puasa".

Allah mempersiapkan serta menghiasi jannah yang khas setiap hari dan kemudian berfirman kepadanya: "Masanya telah hampir tiba bilamana hamba-hambaKu yang taat akan meninggalkan segala halangan-halangan yang besar (di dunia) dan akan mendatangimu."

Pada bulan ini syaitan-syaitan yang durjana dirantaikan supaya tidak menggoda mereka ke arah maksiat-maksiat yang biasa mereka lakukan pada bulan-bulan selain Ramadhan. Pada malam terakhir Ramadhan (orang-orang yang berpuasa ini) akan diampunkan." Maka sahabat-sahabat Rasulullah SAW pun bertanya: "Wahai Pesuruh Allah, adakah itu malam lailatul Qadar?" Dijawab oleh Rasulullah SAW: "Tidak, tetapi selayaknya seorang yang beramal itu diberi balasan setelah menyempurnakan tugasnya."

Fadhilat Ramadhan

Abu Huraira related that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Whoever fasts during Ramadan with faith and seeking his reward from Allah will have his past sins forgiven. Whoever prays during the nights in Ramadan with faith and seeking his reward from Allah will have his past sins forgiven. And he who passes Lailat al-Qadr in prayer with faith and seeking his reward from Allah will have his past sins forgiven (Bukhari, Muslim).

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

Saya ingin mengucapkan Selamat Berpuasa dan Beribadah di bulan Ramadhan Al-Mubarak kepada semua umat Islam. Semoga segala ibadah kita diterima Allah Taala dan sentiasa mendapat lindungan rahmat dan keredhaanNya.

Cerita Kelakar Bahagian 5

Satu pagi di stesen keretapi... Ada satu makcik tu dia tanya Attenden kaunter.

Makcik : Anak, keretapi sampai jam berapa??

Attenden kaunter : yang dari Alor Setar sampai jam 2 petang yang dari Kota Bharu sampai jam 1 petang yang dari Kuala Lumpur sampai jam 4 petang yang dari Gemas pulak satu jam lagi sampai la...Makcik nak pergi mana??

Makcik :Tak ke mana. Makcik nak melintas aja. Terima kasih lah anak, ni maknanya takdelah keretapi lalu sekarang kan...? Terima kasih banyak-banyak.... Makcik tumpang lalu ye...

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Alkisah diceritakan dalam hikayat satu hari satu malam maka tersebutlah kisah seorang pencari kayu. Adapun si pencari kayu ini terkenal dengan sifat jujurnya lagi ikhlas. Beliau tinggal dipinggir hutan bersama isteri tersayang, hidup bahagia walaupun tiada cahayamata. Suatu hari, ketika pencari kayu sedang menebang sebatang pokok di tepi sungai dengan tak semena-mena terlepaslah kapak besinya ke dalam sungai. Si pencari kayu berasa sedih kerana satu-satunya kapak yang merupakan hartanya telah hilang dalam sungai yang dalam itu.

Tiba-tiba muncul menjelma seorang pari-pari dan bertanya pada si pencari kayu,"Mengapa bermuram durja wahai tuan hamba?". Si pencari kayu pun memberitahu keadaan hal yang berlaku. Pari-pari tadi turun ke dalam sungai dan muncul dengan membawa kehadapan pencari kayu sebilah kapak emas. "Adakah ini kapak milik tuan hamba?", tanya pari-pari. "Bukan...",jawab si pencari kayu ringkas. Pari-pari turun semula ke dalam sungai dan kembali dengan membawa kapak dari perak. "Yang ini tuan hamba punya?",tanya pari-pari lagi. "Bukan yang ini",jawab si pencari kayu. Sekali lagi pari-pari turun ke dalam sungai kali ini membawa kapak dari gangsa. "Err.. mungkin yang ini?, duga pari-pari. "Pacal yang hina ini tidak mempunyai kapak yang bernilai ini",jawab si pencari kayu jujur.

Akhirnya pari-pari turun ke dalam sungai dan naik memegang kapak besi milik si pencari kayu. "Ya, inilah kapak hamba yang terjatuh ke dalam sungai tadi". Gembira dengan sifat kejujuran si pencari kayu, maka pari-pari memberi kesemua ke empat-empat kapak kepada si pencari kayu. Si pencari kayu pulang ke rumah begitu gembira sekali.

Selang beberapa tahun, si pencari kayu dan isteri berjalan di tepi sungai menuju ke pekan. Si isteri tersadung kaki pada batu lalu terjatuh ke dalam sungai tidak timbul-timbul. Maka meratap menangis si pencari kayu atas kehilangan isteri tercinta. Pari-pari muncul lagi lalu bertanya akan hal keadaan yang menimpa si pencari kayu. Dengan nada sedih beliau berkata, "Isteri hamba jatuh ke dalam sungai tidak timbul-timbul...". Dengan segera pari-pari turun ke dalam sungai kembali bersama-samanya Siti Nurhaliza. "Ini isteri tuan hamba?," tanya pari-pari menduga.

"Yes.. yes", jawab si pencari kayu. Pari-pari begitu marah", Penipu, pembohonggg...., nah terima baaa...", belum sempat pari-pari habis menyumpah, si pencari kayu berkata, "Maafkan hamba! Bukan niat hamba berbuat demikian. Ini hanya salah faham". "Jikalau hamba berkata 'TIDAK', tentu tuan hamba akan muncul dengan Maya Karin dan selepas itu Nasha Aziz. Akhirnya jikalau tuan hamba muncul bersama isteri hamba dan hamba kata 'YA" tentu tuan hamba akan memberi ke empat-empat mereka kepada hamba sedangkan hamba cuma seorang pencari kayu yang miskin... mana larat nak maintain semua tu... boleh tercabut kepala lutut.. .Sebab itulah hamba kata 'YA'!!!"..... terang si pencari kayu ikhlas.

Living In Sin by Bon Jovi

Live and Let Die by Guns N' Roses

Jokes Part 5

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby. "She turns to her husband and says....."Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself. "He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice........"well.....there's nothing wrong with your eyesight".

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4 engineers were travelling in a car. Suddenly the car engine stopped in the middle of nowhere. The first guy, a chemical engineer, wanted to check the engine oil to see if that is the root cause of the problem. The 2nd guy, a electrical engineer, suggested to check the fuses and wiring to see if that is the actual root cause of the problem. The 3rd guy, a mechanical engineer, suggested to check the overhead cam to see if that is the root cause of the problem. The 4th guy, a Microsoft software engineer , did not know what to do so he said....." may be if we close all windows and then reopen them, things will run again"

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A store that sells husbands has just opened in Bkt Bintang where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor No. 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day!

In These Arms by Bon Jovi

Knockin' On Heavens Door by Guns N' Roses

Jokes translated to Malay version Part 4

Suatu malam seorang isteri meminta wang belanja tambahan dari suaminya seorang yang kedekut. Lalu suaminya mengeluarkan wang RM5000 dari poketnya lalu berjalan ke arah cermin. "Awak tengok wang yang di dalam cermin itu ?" sambil menunjuk kedalam cermin... "Awak ambil yang itu.. dan yang diluar cermin ini.. adalah wang saya!"

Malam berikutnya si suami terkejut ketika baru balik dari pejabat dan melihat ada satay kambing serta rendang di meja makan. Lalu ia bertanya kepada isterinya, "Mana awak dapat wang untuk beli semua ni?" Isterinya tidak menjawab... dan terus menarik tangan suaminya masuk kebilik. Di dalam bilik.. suaminya mengulangi pertanyaannya.. lalu si isteri pun menanggalkan semua pakaiannya dan berjalan ke depan cermin.. "Awak lihat tubuh yang di dalam cermin itu ?" sambil menunjuk kedalam cermin... "Itu adalah kepunyaanmu... dan yang diluar cermin ini pula adalah kepunyaan penjual satay ini !"

Morale of the story: (1) Jangan kedekut ngan bini, nanti Tuhan pendekkan rezeki. (2) Jangan kedekut ngan bini, nanti penjual satay dapat rezeki. (3) Bila kedekut ngan bini, rezeki depan mata, tapi terpaksa telan air liur jer!!

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Ada dua orang sahabat, mereka ni sangat akrab. Sorang bernama Hanif dan yang sorang tu bernama Tony. Mereka ni penghuni setia rumah tumpangan orang-orang gila. Pada suatu hari mereka dibenarkan bermain di kolam renang yang terdapat di rumah tumpangan itu. Tapi mereka berdua ni tak pandai berenang. Si Hanif berehat-rehat di bawah khemah manakala Si Tony tak habis-habis lari keliling kolam renang tu.

Tiba-tiba mungkin kerana keghairahan Si Tony ni terus melompat kedalam kolam....apalagi terkapai-kapailah dia meminta tolong. Sahabat yang setia, Si Hanif ni dengan pantas cuba menyelamatkan Si Tony. Fuh, nasib baik tak lemas. Memandangkan Si Tony tu dah basah kuyup dan kesejukan, Si Hanif dengan pantas membalut kawannye tu dengan sehelai tuala lalu cepat-cepat membawanya ke dalam bilik mereka.

Keesokan harinya Si Hanif telah dikerahkan menemui orang atasan. Kira pegawai ler tu. Apabila melihat wajah Si Hanif beliau mula berkata," Saya ada dua berita yang perlu saya beritahu awak. Yang pertama ialah berita baik, awak akan dibebaskan kerana awak telah dapat membezakan antara kecemasan atau tidak. Tindakan awak menyelamatkan Si Tony bermakna awak kini mempunyai pemikiran yang waras. Namun saya juga ada berita buruk untuk awak, teman baik awak telah membunuh diri. Pagi tadi saya diberitahu yang dia dijumpai didalam biliknya dengan lehernya tergantung.

Dengan muka selamba Si Hanif pun menjawab, Tidak tuan dia bukan membunuh diri tapi saya yang gantung dia supaya dia cepat kering".

You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi

Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses

Jokes Part 4

A young Indian guy moved to Montreal and went to a big department store looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home". Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. you get the idea?" "Of course," the young man said.

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today? The kid replied, "One" The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.64." The manager exclaims, "What? $ 101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero."

The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!" The kid, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of 'Kotex' for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up,you might as well go fishing."

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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself): If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You'd just calmly accept this, restart your car, and then drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to be shut down and refuse to restart. Then, you'd have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

6. Apple Computer would make a car that was solar powered, more reliable, five times faster and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "General Car Default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before activating.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary) even though they'd neither want nor need them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as before.

13. You'd press the "Start" button to shut off your engine.

Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

Civil War by Guns N' Roses

Cerita Kelakar Bahagian 4

Dahulu kala.. dalam kerajaan Phuket.. ada seorang raja yang mempunyai anak puteri.. Kedua anak ini mempunyai permintaan yang perlu dipenuhi. Anak pertama meminta dicarikan kuda yang mampu berlari kencang dan patuh kepada majikannya serta cantik penampilannya. Anak kedua pula permintaannya tidak terlalu sukar.. Dia hanya minta suatu cerita. Dan ceritanya berbunyi begini...

Dahulu kala.. dalam kerajaan Phuket.. ada seorang raja yang mempunyai anak puteri.. Kedua anak ini mempunyai permintaan yang perlu dipenuhi. Anak pertama meminta dicarikan kuda yang mampu berlari kencang dan patuh kepada majikannya serta cantik penampilannya. Anak kedua pula permintaannya tidak terlalu sukar.. Dia hanya minta suatu cerita. Dan ceritanya berbunyi begini...

Dahulu kala.. dalam kerajaan Phuket.. ada seorang raja yang mempunyai anak puteri.. Kedua anak ini mempunyai permintaan yang perlu dipenuhi. Anak pertama meminta dicarikan kuda yang mampu berlari kencang dan patuh kepada majikannya serta cantik penampilannya. Anak kedua pula permintaannya tidak terlalu sukar.. Dia hanya minta suatu cerita. Dan ceritanya berbunyi begini...

Dahulu kala... (repeated infinitely...)"

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Haram menikahi gadis satu kampung MUI jakarta mengeluarkan fatwa baru. Setelah diadakan rapat dan diskusi diantara para pemimpin MUI dan dewan pakarnya, memberikan fatwa pada tanggal 3 oktober tahun 2003 "HARAM HUKUMNYA BAGI SEORANG MUSLIM LAKI-LAKI UNTUK MENIKAH DENGAN GADIS SEKAMPUNG"

Fatwa MUI ini telah menimbulkan perdebatan yang sangat sengit antara yang pro dan kontra. Bahkan banyak pihak yang menyatakan bahwa MUI telah gegabah mengambil keputusan tersebut. Untuk mencari tahu alasan MUI mengeluarkan fatwa tersebut, maka wartawan republika mewancari sekretaris umum MUI Prof.Dr. Din syamsudin Inilah isi wawancara tersebut:

Wartawan: Pak syamsudin, bagaimana MUI bisa mengeluarkan fatwa haram untuk menikahi gadis sekampung?

Prof.Dr.Din Syamsudin: Bagaimana enggak haram, menikahi empat orang gadis aja berat, apalagi satu kampung, kan itu banyak jumlahnya..... ...................

moral of the story, don't jump to conclusion before understanding the details and facts

The Memory Remains by Metallica

Paradise City by Guns N' Roses

Jokes translated to Malay version Part 3

"Pada suatu hari, ada sebuah kereta yang dipandu terhoyong hayang melanggar tiang lampu dan terbalik.. Kesemua penumpangnya yang terdiri dari seorang lelaki tua.. seorang wanita tua.. dan dua orang anak kecil.. luka parah tak berdaya. Hanya seekor monyet yang merupakan binatang peliharaan keluarga.. masih sihat tanpa sedikit luka pun. Pihak polis kebingungan melihat kejadian itu... lalu dia memutuskan untuk menyoal saja pada si monyet untuk memperoleh keterangan mengenai kejadian tersebut..

Polis : "Monyet.. apa yang terjadi sebenarnya?"

Si monyet kemudian merebahkan dirinya dalam keadaan terbalik beberapa kali.

Polis : "Oh...kereta terbalik beberapa kali... jadi apa yang dilakukan oleh lelaki tua itu?"

Si monyet menirukan gerakan mabuk sambil menggayakan minum arak..

Polis : "Oh...lelaki itu sedang mabuk masa memandu. Dan bagaimana pulak wanita tua itu? Anak-anak juga buat apa?"

Si monyet menirukan posisi orang tidur.. kemudian bergerak-gerak spt orang sedang bertengkar. "Oh...okey.. saya dah faham.. wanita tua itu tido dan anak2nya bertengkar dalam kereta.. dan kamu sendiri pula buat apa monyet?"

Dan... si monyet kemudian menirukan gaya memandu..."

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Sepasang suami isteri yg telah mempunyai 3 orang anak, sedang berbual sambil menonton TV di dalam bilik mereka. Si isteri bertanya kepada suami beberapa soalan.

Isteri : Bang, kalau saya mati dulu, abang kahwin lagi tak?

Suami : Abang rasa, abang mungkin kahwin lagi. Kerana, anak-anak kita perlukan orang yang boleh beri perhatian. Makan minum abang pun adalah orang yang sediakan.

Isteri : Habis, kalau abang kahwin lagi, abang kasi ke dia duduk rumah kita.

Suami : Yelah. Sebab rumah ni mahal, takkan nak biar kosong macam tu saja?

Isteri : Abang kasi ke dia pakai almari kita?

Suami : Ye yang, almari kita ada 4 pintu takkan nak bagi org lain pulak.

Isteri : Abang kasi ke dia pakai katil kita?

Suami : Terpaksalah yang. Sebab katil kita tu baru je beli sebulan.

Isteri : Baju tidur saya, pijama dan towel saya?

Suami : Takkan itu abang nak bagi kakak & adik awak. Jadi, drpd tak dipakai, lebih baik kalau abang kasi dia aja.

Isteri : Handbag saya, kasut saya, golf set saya?

Suami : Itu tak boleh, sebab dia suka handbag kaler maroon, kasut dia saiz kecil drpd awak, saiz 5, golf set tak boleh sebab dia kidal...

Isteri: @#$%????!!!!!

Suami: (Dalam hati)Alamak!!

Moral of the story : Don't get caught!!!!!

The Unforgiven II by Metallica

Estranged by Guns N' Roses

Cerita Kelakar Bahagian 3

"Abang ni, pakai tu elok-elok la sikit," kata Liza lembut sambil membetulkan pakaian Usin. Usin tersenyum memandang isterinya. "Cantik isteri abang hari ni," Usin mencubit pipi Liza lembut. "Ayah, ayah, cepat la yah," Farah dan Adi meluru masuk ke bilik kerana dah tak sabar-sabar nak bertolak pulang ke kampung. "Yelah, yelah, ayah dah siap ni." Liza hanya tersenyum melihat suaminya itu melayan karenah anak-anak mereka yang comel dan manja. "Abang, dah lama kita tak balik kampung macam ni,ye?" "Iyelah, maklumlah abang ni sibuk dengan urusan perniagaan. Baru kali ni abang ada peluang untuk cuti panjang." Usin berkata kepada isterinya tercinta. Perjalanan daripada KL ke Tangkak mengambil masa lebih kurang empat jam. Farah dan Adi dah pun terlelap kat kerusi belakang. Begitu juga dengan isterinya, Liza. "Tak sabar rasanya nak tiba kat kampung," Usin berkata dalam hati.

Sedikit demi sedikit Usin menekan minyak keretanya. Semakin lama keretanya semakin laju dan Usin semakin seronok. Usin dah tak sabar untuk segera sampai ke kampungnya. Pedal minyak ditekannya lagi dan Honda Civicnya mula memecut. Usin cilok kiri, cilok kanan. Habis semua kenderaan dipotongnya. Bangga betul Usin masa tu. Terlupa dia sekejap pada anak dan isterinya yang sedang tidur. "Eh abang, kenapa bawa laju sangat ni?" tiba-tiba Liza terjaga dari tidurnya. "Tak ada apa la sayang, rileks...cepat sikit kita sampai kampung nanti." "Sabar bang, sabar. Biar lambat tak apa....jangan laju sangat bang, Liza takut." Liza cuba memujuk Usin supaya memperlahankan kenderaannya. "Rileks Liza...tak ada apa-apa," Usin terus memotong bas ekspres didepannya tanpa was-was. "Haaa..kan, tengok. Tak ada apa-apa kan?" kata Usin setelah berjaya memotong bas ekspres tadi. "Sudah la tu bang." "Ha... tu ada satu lagi bas ekspres. Liza tengok abang motong dia aaa...." Usin terus masuk gear 3, pedal minyak ditekannya hingga jejak ke lantai. Usin terus membelok ke kanan untuk memotong dan.... di depannya tersergam sebuah lori balak yang besar dan gagah dan..... BANG!!

"Usin....bangun Sin," sayup-sayup terdengar suara emaknya. Usin membuka matanya. Dia terlihat emaknya di situ. "Mana Liza mak? Macammana dengan Liza mak? Farah, Adi....mana anak-anak saya mak?" Bertubi-tubi Usin menyoal emaknya. Usin tak dapat menahan kesedihannya lagi. Usin menangis semahu-mahunya di depan emaknya. Emaknya memandang Usin tepat-tepat. "Macamana dengan isteri Usin mak, Liza?" Usin masih terus menangis.

PANGGG!! Kepala Usin yang botak itu ditampar oleh emaknya dengan tiba-tiba. Usin terdiam. Kenapa emaknya buat dia macam tu? "Banyak la engkau punya isteri! Keja pun pemalas ada hati nak berbini. Tu la, tidur lagi senja-senja macam ni! Dah! Bangun pegi sembahyang!" emaknya terus merungut sambil berlalu keluar.... ....Dan Usin tersengih keseorangan. Rasa macam nak masuk dalam tin biskut. Sekian.

The moral Of The Story Is : Pandulah dengan berhati-hati walaupun dalam mimpi!!!

You Could Be Mine by Guns N' Roses

Enter Sandman by Metallica

Jokes Part 3

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the play ground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace". Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.... "MOMMY MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAY GROUND AND DADDY AND.." Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy.." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, the laying down on the seat, and..... "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army." Some times you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!!!!

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A mother and her son having conversation.

M : What are the 3 steps to put an elephant in a freezer?

S: Don't know. Anyhow you can't put the a big elephant into the freezer.

M: 1)Open the freezer door 2) Push the elephant inside 3) close the door. I didn't specify how big the freezer was, did I?

S: OK you got me.

M: Now this is a bit difficult. What are the 4 steps, no more no less, to put a giraffe into a freezer?

S: err errr.....

M:1) Open the freezer door 2) Take out the elephant 3) push the giraffe into the freezer 4) close the door.

S : hah you got me again!

M : OK now go to bed.

Next morning, the son was doing his homework and got a question for his mom.

S: Mom, I'm doing my homework and I got a question.

M: Go ahead.

S: What is the coldest animal in the world?

M: Polar Bear

S: No

M: Penguin

S: No, try again.

M: Whale?

S: Nope

M: OK I give up......what is it?

S: .............its the giraffe that you left in the freezer over night.

Sad But True by Metallica

Patience by Guns N' Roses

Jokes translated to Malay version Part 2

Alkisah..... Seorang lelaki melayu ponteng sembahyang Jumaat. Sebaliknya dia masuk hutan untuk memburu beruang. Sedang dia terhendap2 di dalam semak, tiba2 dia berlanggar dengan seekor beruang. Dia begitu terkejut sehingga senapangnya tercampak lalu tergelungsur ke dalam jurang. Dia pula tergolek ke arah lain, jatuh ke atas batu dan KRAKKKK! Kedua2 kakinya patah. Jangan risau .. ini bukanlah berita buruk ok. Ada lagi .. Berita buruknya adalah beruang tadi terus menghambatnya, sedangkan dia dah tak boleh bergerak lagi. "Ya Allah," doa lelaki tersebut, "Ampunilah dosaku kerana ponteng sembahyang berjemaah pada hari Jumaat yang mulia ini .. Ampunilah aku ya Allah .. makbulkan hajat ku ini ... jadikanlah beruang yang memburuku Muslim yang beriman .. tolong ya Allah! Aminnn .." Tiba2 guruh berdentum! Beruang tadi tiba2 terhenti betul2 di hadapan lelaki tadi. Sambil menadah kedua2 kaki depannya ke langit .. beruang tersebut pun berdoa, "Allahumma barik lana, fima razaktana, wa qina azabbannar. Amin!" Beriman betul beruang tu...nak makan lelaki tu pun baca doa makan dulu...ehehe..... Moral of the story: Berhati2 bila berdoa, mana tahu, doa tu akan mendatangkan keburukan pada kita walaupun asalnya niat tu baik!!!!

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Tiga lelaki sedang bersiap untuk mengikuti ujian akhir untuk menjadi agen CIA. Pegawai bertugas menyatakan yang didalam ujian akhir mereka ini, mereka dikehendaki membunuh isteri masing2. Pegawai itu memberi senapang pada Abdul dan kemudian masuk ke bilik sebelah dimana isterinya berada. Beberapa minit kemudian lelaki itu keluar dan mengatakan dia terlalu cinta kepada isterinya, tak kuasa ia membunuhnya. Amin memasuki bilik yang lain dengan senapang untuk membunuh isterinya. Sepuluh minit kemudian dia keluar dan menyatakan.. betapapun dia ingin jadi agen CIA, dia tak sanggup membunuh isterinya sendiri. Kemudian pegawai itu memberikan senapang kepada Akbar dan kemudian masuk bilik yang mempunyai isterinya... Setelah 15 minit mereka semua mendengar bunyi tiga kali tembakan. Kemudian setelah beberapa minit.. lelaki itu keluar dengan nafas termengah-mengah dan berpeluh... Pegawai itu bertanya apa yang terjadi.. dan Akbar menjawab "Tuan bagi senapang yang ada peluru kapur.. jadi aku terpaksa mencekik leher isteriku untuk membunuhnya.."

The Unforgiven by Metallica

Yesterdays by Guns N' Roses

Cerita Kelakar Bahagian 2

Suatu hari di tengah hutan.. ketika para pelajar sebuah universiti sedang melakukan penyelidikan terhadap tumbuhan hutan... Seorang pelajar senior yang juga merupakan pemimpin kepada rombongan itu berjumpa dengan sebuah pisau lipat di atas tanah. Menurut peraturan yang telah ditetapkan semasa membuat penyelidikan didalam hutan.. sesiapa yang meninggalkan barang penyelidikan di dalam perjalanan akan dihukum. Lalu pelajar Senior itu dengan mengambil pisau lipat dan menghimpunkan semua pelajar untuk tujuan menghukum mana-mana siswa yang telah lalai meninggalkan pisau lipatnya. "Siapa yang merasa kehilangan pisau lipat di tengah perjalanan tadi?" tanya pelajar senior itu.. Tak ada seorang pun yang berani mengaku.. Kemudian pelajar senior itu menambah.. "Ayuh cepat.. mengaku aje la,. lagipun sebenarnya saya sudah tahu siapa pemilik pisau lipat ini kerana namanya terukir di sini.. Tapi saya inginkan kejujuran kamu semua untuk mengaku!" Masih tidak ada jawaban dari para pelajar lain.. "Kerana tidak ada yang dengan jujur mahu mengakui kesalahannya maka saya akan panggil namanya?!!!" Pelajar2 masih lagi diam. Akhirnya pelajar senior itu tidak dapat bersabar lagi.. lalu diambilnya pisau lipat tadi kemudian dengan lantang dia menyebut nama pemilik pisau itu... "STAINLESS STEEL cepat keluar...!!!" "

One by Metallica

November Rain by Guns N' Roses

Jokes translated to Malay version Part 1

Seorang Guru tertidur di depan kelas, ketika terbangun dia menyuruh murid-muridnya pulang... "Tadi saya sudah berjanji dengan Bush untuk bertemu di dunia mimpi" katanya memberikan alasan.. Keesokan harinya, ada pula seorang murid tertidur di kelas itu. Guru itu membangunkannya dengan pukulan tongkat dan memarahinya.. "Beraninya kamu tidur dalam kelas!" "Saya juga ada janji untuk bertemu dengan Bush" jawab murid itu. "Baiklah, apa yang dikatakan oleh Bush pada kamu?" tanya Guru itu.. "Dia berkata.. dia tidak bertemu dengan cikgu semalam"

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Pada suatu hari, seorang Nyonya bernama Nyonye Mei Lee datang ke KL untuk kali pertama selepas menang loteri. Beliau check-in di sebuah hotel mewah dan seorang pelayan membawakan begnya menuju ke bilik penginapan Nyonya Mei Lee. Nyonya Mei Lee dengan girangnye mengikuti langkah-langkah pelayan itu dan ketika pelayan tersebut menutup pintu, Nyonya Mei Lee melihat ke sekeliling. Beliau tetiba menjadi marah lalu berkata kepada pelayan tersebut. Eksekius mi, lu jangan ingat wa tua, mali dari kampung, tatak tau duduk hotel.. sudah baya latut latut, lu kasi ini bilik ka??!! kicik!! tatak tibi, tatak lemari tatak apa pun??? katil mau titur pun tatak????, haiyyaaa.. mau tipu olang ka??!!" Lalu pelayan itu pun menjawab, "Sabar Nyonya, ini baru lift, maaa...."

Nothing Else Matter by Metallica

Don't Cry by Guns N' Roses

Malaysian Jokes

Mr. Samy Vellu went for the recent UN meeting. He represented the Malaysian PM. All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2010. Here are some of the conversations : Chinese Delegate " By the year 2007, China will start their moon exploration project ". Russian Delegate " We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon". George Bush " We the United States will also explore the moon for the fifth time ." Malaysian Delegate " By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun." There was a long silence. Bush stood up and asked the Malaysian delegate : " Isn't it too hot to explore the sun ?" Samy Vellu ( after a long silence...) " We will do it in the night, like JKR Bahagian Jalan done.".

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Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah Lian will get pregnant, so he approaches his friend Ah Beng for advice. Ah Beng said "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of condoms and follow the instructions, nothing will happen one." So Ah Seng takes the condom and at night makes love with Ah Lian. Two months later, Ah Seng comes to look for Ah Beng and tells him that Ah Lian is pregnant. "Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah Beng. "Na -bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom over organ before intercourse, I got no organ, so I stretch it over my piano loh."

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Selepas acara penutup Sukan Olimpik, pemberita Malaysia pun membuat liputan dengan menemuramah ketua kontijen Malaysia ke Athens di Lapangan Terbang KLIA sebaik sahaja kontijen Malaysia tiba. Pemberita :"Adakah pasukan Malaysia berjaya membawa balik emas, perak atau gangsa?" Ketua kontijen: " Ya, kita berjaya bawak balik emas, besar lagi!!" Pemberita :"Yang mana satu?" Ketua kontijen :" Tuuuu Haaaah" (sambil menunding jari ke arah Boeing 747-400 Malaysian Airline Systems)

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Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"? You know, that very little 600 cc car ?? Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US , so when Dr M paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with George Bush, Dr M checked with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA . After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know, I think this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans." Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush offered, "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America ." Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returned to Malaysia . The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R US" can I help you?"

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Di zaman pemerintahan Melayu Melaka, Maharaja Cina telah menghantar rombongan ke Melaka untuk mengiringi Puteri Hang Li Po. Kerana Maharaja Cina suka akan nombor 8, dia memastikan ada 8 Hang semuanya.
1) Hang Li Po
2) Hang Tuah
3) Hang Jebat
4) Hang Kasturi
5) Hang Lekir
6) Hang Lekiu ...

siapakah 2 lagi Hang itu? . . . . . . . . . .

Hang Tanya
Hang Bodo

Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses

Haunted Heart by Alias

Cerita Kelakar Bahagian 1

Pada suatu malam Taufik memandu sendirian dari Batu Pahat untuk ke Melaka. Tiba di Semerah seorang lelaki tua menahan keretanya. Simpati dengan nasib orang tua itu, Taufik memberhentikan kereta dan mempelawanya naik. "Anak nak pergi mana?" Tanya orang tua itu. "Melaka," Kata Taufik "Turunkan pakcik di Muar sudahlah." Taufik angguk dan terus memandu. "Anak nak kaya tak?" Tiba-tiba lelaki tua itu bersuara lagi. Taufik mula rasa tidak sedap hati. Dia mengesyaki orang tua itu cuba memberi nombor untuk ditikam, sedangkan Taufik bukanlah kaki ekor. "Tak apalah Pakcik. Hidup ni tak perlu kaya sangat, apa yang ada cukuplah,"Kata Taufik "Betul anak tak mau kaya?, Pakcik nak bagi ni!" "Tak apa,pakcik. Terima kasih." Akhirnya mereka sampai di Muar. Apabila kereta berhenti, orang tua itu bersiap-siap untuk turun dan mengambil begnya. "Pakcik ada tujuh tin SRI KAYA ni. Tapi kalau anak tak nak juga, tak apalah," Katanya. Taufik hanya terkebil-kebil melihat orang tua itu turun dari keretanya.....

Moral of the story: kalau orang nak bagi tu ambik ajer laaahhhhh.....

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Pada satu hari Timah dan bapanya datang ke KL dan pergi ke shopping mall....Anak beranak nih baru first time datang KL, sebelum nih asyik dok memerap kat kampung... Jalan punya jalan, akhirnya Timah terpandang lif lalu diapun tanyalah bapak dia...." Pak, itu amenda pak?" Bapak dia jawab," entah lah nak....bapak pun baru ini nampak menatang tuh...." Tak lama lepas tu seorang nyonya tua terbongkok2, tergigil2 pergi kedinding dan menekan butang lif tersebut.....lif pun terbuka lalu nyonya masuk ke dalam lif dan lif tertutup.....tidak lama kemudian lif terbuka...TINGGGG!!!!! keluarlah seorang amoi yang punyalah cun cam SHANIA TWAIN... lantas berkatalah bapak si Timah kepada Timah...... "NAK! KAU PERGI AMBIK EMAK KAMU BAWAK KEMARI, KITA MASUKKAN DIA DALAM GUA AJAIB NIH....CEPAT!!!"

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(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection by Nelson

Happy Birthday by The Ramones

Jokes Part 2

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad." When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."

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ONE DAY at TAN TOCK SENG HOSPITAL - Center for Communicable Disease in Singapore This story was told by a nurse...and she swears this really happened on her ward. A man suspected of SARs is lying in bed with an mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know Mr ******, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The Head Nurse was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Nurse," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of long-standing, the Head Nurse was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pyjama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pyjamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with your testicles!!!" At this the man pulled off his mask and asked again, "I SAID!!!!!: Are my test results back???"

Jokes Part 1

Two guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."

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Donald Rumsfeld died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rumsfeld, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said Rumsfeld. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's Bush's clock?" asked Rumsfeld. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Bohemian Rhasody by Queen

Strength to Endure by The Ramones

Innuendo by Queen

I Don't Want To Grow Up by The Ramones

Oliver's Army by Elvis Costello

Poison Heart by The Ramones

Anarchy in the UK by Sex Pistols

The KKK Took My Baby Away by The Ramones

Koka Kola by The Clash

Rock 'n' Roll High School by The Ramones

My Favorite Cartoons when I was a Kid (part III)

Heathcliff





Danger Mouse




Silverhawks




Bravestarr




Defenders of the Earth




Visionaries




Jem and the Holograms

God Save The Queen by Sex Pistols

Substitute by The Ramones

London Calling by The Clash

Spider Man by The Ramones

Alahai...

Love Song by The Damned

I Just Wanna Have Something To Do by The Ramones

2 in 1 pictures

Courtesy of my friend, Hisham

Everybodies Happy Nowadays by Buzzcocks

Do You Remember Rock 'n' Roll Radio by The Ramones

BMW

BMW, originally uploaded by ahmedrazman.

BMW started with this ad...

Audi

Audi, originally uploaded by ahmedrazman.

Audi responded..

Subaru

Subaru, originally uploaded by ahmedrazman.

Subaru has a final say...

My Other Favorite Cartoons when I was a kid (Part II)

It seems that I watched too many cartoons when I was small. Aren't we all?

Saber Rider (opening)



Saber Rider (closing)



Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



Centurions



Captain Planet



Gummi Bears



She-Ra

What Do I Get by Buzzcocks

We Want the Airwaves by The Ramones

Promises by Buzzcocks

Pet Sematary by The Ramones

Men and Women - Before and After Marriage

Another interesting stuff from my wife's email....

Wife : Honey..... What are You Looking for?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

**********

Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

**********

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

**********

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

**********

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to giveup my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?""Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

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Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "Billionaire"

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning

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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my body?"He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.

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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

My Favorite Cartoons when I was a kid

Transformers



Smurf



Dungeons & Dragons



Macross



MASK



He-Man



Thundercats



another Thundercats intro *i-love-cheetahra*



Lion Force Voltron



Vehicle Voltron

Ever Fallen in Love by Buzzcocks

I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones

Somebody to Love by Jefferson Airplane

Jim Carrey sang this song during the karaoke session in The Cable Guy..

Crash by The Primitives

another great song featured in Dumb & Dumber the movie..

Malay-shire

Insomniac by Echobelly

great song...featured in Dumb & Dumber the movie

Kung Pow

my favorite scene from Kung Pow the movie...

Five Lessons from Workplace

Again, taken from my wife's email. She always got interesting stuff.

Story: 1

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO. As his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything

Story: 2

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"

Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.

Story: 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese!, etc......???" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey, or monkey?"

Lesson III - Never insult anyone.

Story: 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true." The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same andshouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."

Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen.

Story: 5

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a month." "Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"

Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".

Joint Crackers

Found this site that focus mainly on joint crackers. Amusing.

Ayah Saya

Saya Pun Tahu Menyanyi

Another scene from Malaysian Idol

The Difference between Guts and Balls

Found this on my wife's email (again, I'm helping her organising the mails...honest, again)

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below....

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

Grocery Lists

I guess nowadays nothing can be regarded as rubbish. Take this site for example. It wants people to send picture of their grocery lists. Yes, no kidding. And the results can be quite interesting and colourful too!

Can I Tell You a Secret?

My friend, Idlan mentioned about this site on her blog. It is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. What a better way to let out your secret than telling everyone in the World? and without no one knows who you are.

Malaysian Idol Kid

very cute! found it while organising my notebook files