Men and Women - Before and After Marriage

Another interesting stuff from my wife's email....

Wife : Honey..... What are You Looking for?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

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Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

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Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to giveup my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?""Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

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Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "Billionaire"

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning

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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my body?"He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.

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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!