PAIN
1 year ago
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
The BEST "Out of Office" Auto Replies
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 forthe first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system....You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 13 weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons....When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.
9. Due to inappropriate contents in your email, please notice that this email is forwarded to the nearest police station.
10. This message will explode in 5 seconds... Good luck, Mr. Hunt...
11. How many times should I tell you ??? I received your mail already, please stop sending this mail. It is 435 times already !!!
12. Thank you for sending me an email. Currently I am experiencing high volume email to be answered. Please try to send back later.
13. Wrong address, sorry !
14. This email is rejected due to missing stamps.
*received e-mail from Bong. Thanks!
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 forthe first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system....You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 13 weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons....When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.
9. Due to inappropriate contents in your email, please notice that this email is forwarded to the nearest police station.
10. This message will explode in 5 seconds... Good luck, Mr. Hunt...
11. How many times should I tell you ??? I received your mail already, please stop sending this mail. It is 435 times already !!!
12. Thank you for sending me an email. Currently I am experiencing high volume email to be answered. Please try to send back later.
13. Wrong address, sorry !
14. This email is rejected due to missing stamps.
*received e-mail from Bong. Thanks!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Marriage as seen by children
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7
(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
(written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7
(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
Friday, May 18, 2007
I Am Muslim
My article "Apa ada dengan janggut (What's in the beard)" has just been published in I Am Muslim blog site http://iammuslim2.blogspot.com/ Hopefully it is a such a worthy read to be included in I Am Muslim 2: Other Voices.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
A few definitions for the modern era!
School:
A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse:
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!
*forwarded e-mail from Aisya
A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse:
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!
*forwarded e-mail from Aisya
New York to Paris
1. go to www.google.com or google.co.uk
2. click on "maps," above the search bar...
3. click on "get directions"
4. type " New York " in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type " Paris " in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
7. scroll down to step #23
8. snicker, guffaw or laugh
9. share with someone
*forwarded e-mail from Jun
2. click on "maps," above the search bar...
3. click on "get directions"
4. type " New York " in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type " Paris " in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
7. scroll down to step #23
8. snicker, guffaw or laugh
9. share with someone
*forwarded e-mail from Jun
Why British think 80% of Malaysians coming to UK to study law?
UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?
Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.
Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia .
Visitor: Why do you say that?
Officer: Well, i've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd say 80% of Malaysians I see here say they're here to read law.
Visitor: Oh, really? That's really something i never knew. Hard to believe in fact.
Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along, and I'll bet he's here to read law.
*Visitor waits for 5 mins, Ah Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration counter*
Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?
Ah Chong: Study lorr...
*forwarded e-mail from Bong
Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.
Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia .
Visitor: Why do you say that?
Officer: Well, i've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd say 80% of Malaysians I see here say they're here to read law.
Visitor: Oh, really? That's really something i never knew. Hard to believe in fact.
Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along, and I'll bet he's here to read law.
*Visitor waits for 5 mins, Ah Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration counter*
Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?
Ah Chong: Study lorr...
*forwarded e-mail from Bong
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
What I Did in Malaysia in One Month
During my one month holiday in Malaysia (24th March until 27th April), these are things that I did:
1. Had breakfasts, lunches and dinners at KFC, McDonalds, Burger King, Ayamas, Johnny Steamboat, mamak stalls (teh tarik, maggi goreng, roti planta, roti telur and roti pisang), Jimmy Thai Seafood, Grillhouse, Cozy Corner, Penang Delight, Coffee Bean etc.
2. Played one hour of futsal.
3. Played one game of football. We won 5-1 and I assisted one goal.
4. Played two sessions of badminton, one in Kajang and another in Kelantan.
5. Played two sessions of bowling.
6. Visited Pantai Cahaya Bulan and Pantai Irama, Bachok in Kelantan.
7. Visited Pertama Complex, KLCC, Midvalley Megamall, IKEA, Metro Kajang, Warta Bangi and Tesco Kajang.
8. Met UPM Deputy Vice Chancellor (Students Affair)
9. Applied for a Right of Abode which included a couple of visits to British High Commission and Visa Office in Wisma MCA.
10. Applied for the fund transfer from EPF to a bank account.
11. Updated Muamalat, Tabung Haji, Bank Islam and CIMB bank books.
12. Enquired on current status of Takaful Nasional (Abe, Joanna and Ilyas), Takaful Malaysia (Abe, Joanna and Ilyas), Takaful Ikhlas (Maisarah), Great Eastern Dana Restu, Direct Access, Bank Rakyat loan and Bank Islam loan.
13. Checked on the shares portfolio. Already making a profit but decided to hold.
14. Helped one friend with his company's financial accounts.
15. Got my tooth pulled out.
16. Got a haircut, including Ilyas.
17. Visited my faculty three times.
18. Renovated Awa's room in my parents house. Painted the whole room and put two new book shelves.
19. Visited houses of families and relatives. Managed to meet two families in McDonald at the same time and two families and three friends in Burger King at the same time.
20. Watched two movies, Catch and Release and Meet the Robinson.
21. Bought a Canon Ixus 70 digital camera.
22. Bought two Yonex rackets (with Yonex grips and strings), a Yonex trackbottom, Yonex shoes and Yonex socks. And 4 tubes of shuttlecocks, RCL Gold.
23. Restrung 4 rackets (Mine, Asmadi, Huzaimi and Bong).
24. Bought a new racket for Huzaimi.
25. Stayed in the Palace of the Golden Horses hotel.
26. Got my parents marriage certificate translated from Jawi to English using the service of Institut Terjemahan Negara.
27. Translated my wife and my children's birth certificate, together with my marriage certificate, from Malay to English using the service of Mahkamah Bandar Baru Bangi.
Hmm... what else? That's it I think.
1. Had breakfasts, lunches and dinners at KFC, McDonalds, Burger King, Ayamas, Johnny Steamboat, mamak stalls (teh tarik, maggi goreng, roti planta, roti telur and roti pisang), Jimmy Thai Seafood, Grillhouse, Cozy Corner, Penang Delight, Coffee Bean etc.
2. Played one hour of futsal.
3. Played one game of football. We won 5-1 and I assisted one goal.
4. Played two sessions of badminton, one in Kajang and another in Kelantan.
5. Played two sessions of bowling.
6. Visited Pantai Cahaya Bulan and Pantai Irama, Bachok in Kelantan.
7. Visited Pertama Complex, KLCC, Midvalley Megamall, IKEA, Metro Kajang, Warta Bangi and Tesco Kajang.
8. Met UPM Deputy Vice Chancellor (Students Affair)
9. Applied for a Right of Abode which included a couple of visits to British High Commission and Visa Office in Wisma MCA.
10. Applied for the fund transfer from EPF to a bank account.
11. Updated Muamalat, Tabung Haji, Bank Islam and CIMB bank books.
12. Enquired on current status of Takaful Nasional (Abe, Joanna and Ilyas), Takaful Malaysia (Abe, Joanna and Ilyas), Takaful Ikhlas (Maisarah), Great Eastern Dana Restu, Direct Access, Bank Rakyat loan and Bank Islam loan.
13. Checked on the shares portfolio. Already making a profit but decided to hold.
14. Helped one friend with his company's financial accounts.
15. Got my tooth pulled out.
16. Got a haircut, including Ilyas.
17. Visited my faculty three times.
18. Renovated Awa's room in my parents house. Painted the whole room and put two new book shelves.
19. Visited houses of families and relatives. Managed to meet two families in McDonald at the same time and two families and three friends in Burger King at the same time.
20. Watched two movies, Catch and Release and Meet the Robinson.
21. Bought a Canon Ixus 70 digital camera.
22. Bought two Yonex rackets (with Yonex grips and strings), a Yonex trackbottom, Yonex shoes and Yonex socks. And 4 tubes of shuttlecocks, RCL Gold.
23. Restrung 4 rackets (Mine, Asmadi, Huzaimi and Bong).
24. Bought a new racket for Huzaimi.
25. Stayed in the Palace of the Golden Horses hotel.
26. Got my parents marriage certificate translated from Jawi to English using the service of Institut Terjemahan Negara.
27. Translated my wife and my children's birth certificate, together with my marriage certificate, from Malay to English using the service of Mahkamah Bandar Baru Bangi.
Hmm... what else? That's it I think.
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